dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
