Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
