Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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