You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
