I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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