Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
