So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
