I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
