i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
