So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
false alarm, still single
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
