I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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