I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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