Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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