just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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