Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
