Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
A bitchslap is in order.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
