I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
