just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
