he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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