You're earring is so big in my mouth
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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