I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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