you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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