On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She's the barista slut.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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