Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
