Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
