I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
only if we run a train.
done.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
