She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
