Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
