i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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