i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
