Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
