I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
