Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
