So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
