hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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