I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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