i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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