Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
