i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
