Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
