No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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