just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
