I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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