you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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