i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
