last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
