A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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