I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
