So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
