im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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