More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
