If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
